These words, spoken by a mentor years ago, have entirely defined my perspective on disputes and misunderstandings.
In my short but eventful life so far, I have often struggled with pride. I have excelled in areas where I have worked hard, and I have always sought to be the best-- including times of disagreement among peers. Whether someone acted out against me, spoke out against me, or merely disagreed with my opinion, I always wanted to fight back, and I usually won. In all that fighting, I never learned the important lesson that winning is neither everything nor the only thing.
As my not-so-interesting but ever dynamic life often goes, I learned this lesson from a piece of literature. I first read To Kill a Mockingbird when I was thirteen years old, and when I reached the final page and back cover, I flipped it over and read it again immediately. I wanted to understand why I was so drawn to the story, and though I now see multiple reasons, my first realization was that I saw myself in Scout: in her need to understand everything, her need to have pride in what she does and who she is, her need to convey her perspective clearly to others. But at the end of the novel, Scout learns a lesson, and through her epiphany I too have been edified. As Scout stands at the front door of Boo Radley’s house, she finally understands that her perspective does not stand alone, and in all circumstances, one must first stand in the other person’s shoes and understand how the world looks from them.
Sometimes, I am wrong. Sometimes, I do not fully understand a situation. Sometimes, I make a mess where there should be no mess to make. These simple truths sadly took me many years and many destroyed friendships to learn. Yet to that end, I cannot be too hard on myself, because every other person is the same way. We all have our values, our priorities, our opinions, our beliefs, and our prejudices. We all have background experiences which shape our thoughts, attitudes, and actions. Sometimes the best things happen with the worst of intentions, and sometimes the best intentions pave the road to hell. Do not ever settle for an understanding of what a person does or how they do it. Understand why they do it. And furthermore, understand why they employ that reasoning. The human soul is a metaphorical onion. Keep peeling; chances are there is much more underneath.
This mentality has been instrumental as I have faced many bumps in the road through high school, and I am certain it will continue to serve me well as I go on with life. Where everyone, friends and strangers alike, used to see a calloused, hot-headed opinion machine, I hope and believe they now see a compassionate, loving person who, with morality and convictions intact, will always see things objectively, and will place above all else just a hint of human understanding. If I walk a mile in your shoes, I should hope you will be willing to borrow mine, but either way, I want to know you from sole to soul.
"But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you: yet do it with gentleness and respect." -1 Peter 3:15
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